smells

Smells trigger memories in a person. You heard that in a movie once and thought about it long and hard. You remember carefree days at your grandmothers whenever you smell freshly baked cookies. The smell of grass after the rain always reminds you of your mom and how she used to let you lie on the grass in the garden daydreaming your days away.

His smells have always been distinct and your memory of him always clear. The smell of alcohol and men's perfume, Eternity for men by CK in particular, was always your weakness and it always brought back memories of him and you during your happiest times. The restaurant where he brought you to on your birthday, the rose petals strewn all over the place, and everything you said and did remains clear as day. The only thing that you could never remember was the food you ate, but all that you want to remember was that kiss...oh that kiss...it was like a taste of heaven.

Some things just stay with you no matter how much you try to erase them from your memory, like the smell of burning flesh. The rancid quality of the scent as it stings your nose and draws tears to your eyes is something you're not likely to forget. It reminds you of a barbeque at the beach where someone has put on the meat for too long.

He loved red wine, desert wines particularly because they were sweet. He looked oh so grown up sitting there sipping his wine and smiling at me. The matre'd had recommended a fantastic wine, I believed it was french. I'm pretty sure we ate all our food though I can't be sure. But I certainly remember him finishing the whole bottle of wine. I didn't drink as I couldn't stand the taste of it, but he loved his wine.

Ten years down the road and as soon as the smell reaches you, you're instantly transported back to that fateful day. Nothing you can do will stop the memory from coming. The drugs never help, they never block them out. The doctors think it's a mental thing and will never admit to incompetence.

He was drunk on the wine and you were drunk on happiness just being with him. He wanted to take you to another lovely restaurant for desert and you simply couldn't refuse him. The combination of his perfume and the alcohol intoxicates you and you hold him close taking it all in.

You've tried everything now but nothing works and the memories keept getting clearer and clearer and nothing you can do will block them out. You've stopped sleeping because sleeping only allows the dreams to come and that makes it even more real. You feel trapped when all you want is to be free. You've become so desperate...

The bus came out of nowhere or perhaps it was there all along but you never did see it. The lights were blinding and the sound of tires screeching and horns blasting filled your eardrums. You hear someone screaming in the distance and then you realise it's you. Your car skids and flips. The smell of burning rubber fills the air and in your state of semi-consciousness you can smell the burning of flesh like meat on a barbeque.

You lie on the cold bathroom floor reliving the night of the accident over and over. You try to remember what he looked like burning next to you but nothing comes to mind. You can't even remember how you managed to survive. All that remains is the memories before the accident and the combinations of smells that lead you to the accident, but nothing after. You've seen many doctors and none could help you. Finally, it has come to this and you decide it's time to help yourself.
You lie on the cold bathroom floor wondering how long it'll take for the super glue to block up your respitory system completely taking away your sense of smell and with it, the memories of him.