Monster

They say children are a blessing, but what they don't tell you is who they are a blessing to.

Everyday, I watch those fancy ladies walking about with their expensive perambulators and their plastic smiles on top their even more plastic bodies. What do they know about raising children or having them? To them, it is all a glamourous show after which the mother glows and the child smiles sweetly. They know nothing of the midnight feedings and the troubles of a cholicky baby. They never see the tears of a hungry child or the haunted look in the eyes of a starving mother trying her damnest to squeeze even the last drop of moisture from her empty breasts.

I remember the first moment I knew I was pregnant. I remember the horror I felt and the absolute revulsion. This was not a child conceived of love and I was not prepared to have one. I wanted to rid my body of the parasite but I didn't know how. I was too young to understand that I needed professional help and so I tried everything I could to get rid of it. But of course, as all things go when they are not going well, it stuck fast and I suffered for my failure. Soon enough, even the baggy clothes could not hide the sins of the world and I was thrown out and branded a harlot. I lived the only way I knew how, like a rat in the sewers. I was constantly hungry and my body ached each time I moved. I carried the parasite with me for 9 long months until finally the time came for me to expell it.

I think perhaps there was only one time I truly did love it and that was when it looked into my eyes for the first time, trusting me to look after it and care for it unconditionally. But the moment was gone as soon as it started to cry. It had already taken so much from my fragile body and now it seemed that it wanted more. It wanted much more than I could give and pretty soon I was unable to even find food for myself.

I came to a decision one dark and cold night. It was it or me and I had to make a decision. Too many sleepless nights had made me mad with a fever and the lack of food while being sucked dry was causing me to hallucinate. But when I made my decision, my mind was crystal clear. I had to kill it and eat it. I had to take back all that it took from me before I disappeared.

I waited for it to drift off into sleep as it often does when it gets too tired to cry and then I carried it to the darkest corner of the sewer. I found a sharp piece of metal and stabbed it right through the heart. It never made a sound, not a peep. It was over very quickly and I had to work fast before the others found me. I started to build a fire and placed it in the flames. I waited till it's skin had all but burnt away before dousing the flames.

That was when they found me. I was already almost done with it. I only had parts of the leg and a little bit of the face to go when they eventually dragged me away. They have judged me guilty of murder but have also found me completely insane. I do not think I have done anything so horrendous to warrant the looks they give me. I am no monster or animal. I am merely someone doing her best to survive. There was no one who could help me and so, I had to help myself.

They say children are a blessing and again I ask, to whom?

Left

He loved her more than anyone in the entire world. To him, she was his everything, without her, he was nothing.
He was never one to exert his will unless it was something he felt strongly about, but that's just the way he was and she never took advantage of that, in fact that worked perfectly well with her character as well and so they grew to become ONE.

The last time he spoke to her she phoned from the airport. She was not feeling well and wanted him to check her into a hospital but she didn't want him to worry, or perhaps she sincerely believed it, so she told him it wasn't serious. She promised him she'd be back after a quick check up.

The doctors called to say she was in critical condition and that death was a possibility. He heard their words but could not believe them and so found himself in the hospital alone. Eventually, the doctors worried him enough for him to start ringing the family.

Her sons were among the first to arrive followed quickly by her sisters and her brothers. The atmosphere was one of mixed emotions sometimes escalating on hope and other times sunken in despair. Always he would sit quietly pondering with a look of serenity on his face. He held on to all the hope he could muster and that was that. Perhaps he thought that hope alone would and could possibly save her from certain death. Of course, that was just his foolish notion and all too soon she slipped away.

There was but the slightest indication and no one caught it. She already knew she was going but could do nothing about it, perhaps she didn't want anyone to worry as that was always her way and so she said nothing. The doctors said she must have been suffering for a while now and were amazed at her threshold for pain. As with a million other cases, it was cancer but it didn't start out as that which was what gave the family a false sense of security. She did recover slowly for a while before crashing completely.

Everyone came to say goodbye. Friends and family came and all had good things to say about her. There were tears of course, from all except the family for griefing was a very private affair and one did not grief openly under any circumstances, one puts on a shroud of stoicism and plows on. Once the rituals have been completed and the people have been sent home, then and only then can the tears come.

He lost her. He lost her completely and utterly to death. He was released from his vows at last, but stubbornly he holds on. He is ONE no longer, only part of the ONE now, he is the half LEFT. He would have to do his griefing and then...who knows?

There will never be another her, in his heart, she was always the one and always will be too. How ironic that she should have been the first to go, but still, they did have many wonderous years together and even raised three beautiful sons and had the great fortune to see their sons marry and present them with grandchildren. They had a lovely house filled with warmth and love and there's nothing that they regret at all nothing except perhaps the sad and sudden passing of one leaving the other behind to grief and live.

Perhaps the Great One saw that he would be the stronger of the two in the end and decided that this was for the best. Or perhaps this was the Divines' way of cultivating strength in him.

He still doesn't understand why it had to come to this, but he knows that he loves her enough to accept being the one left to grief and in fact, if he had a choice, he would still choose to let her go first because that is how much he loves her.