Monster
They say children are a blessing, but what they don't tell you is who they are a blessing to.
Everyday, I watch those fancy ladies walking about with their expensive perambulators and their plastic smiles on top their even more plastic bodies. What do they know about raising children or having them? To them, it is all a glamourous show after which the mother glows and the child smiles sweetly. They know nothing of the midnight feedings and the troubles of a cholicky baby. They never see the tears of a hungry child or the haunted look in the eyes of a starving mother trying her damnest to squeeze even the last drop of moisture from her empty breasts.
I remember the first moment I knew I was pregnant. I remember the horror I felt and the absolute revulsion. This was not a child conceived of love and I was not prepared to have one. I wanted to rid my body of the parasite but I didn't know how. I was too young to understand that I needed professional help and so I tried everything I could to get rid of it. But of course, as all things go when they are not going well, it stuck fast and I suffered for my failure. Soon enough, even the baggy clothes could not hide the sins of the world and I was thrown out and branded a harlot. I lived the only way I knew how, like a rat in the sewers. I was constantly hungry and my body ached each time I moved. I carried the parasite with me for 9 long months until finally the time came for me to expell it.
I think perhaps there was only one time I truly did love it and that was when it looked into my eyes for the first time, trusting me to look after it and care for it unconditionally. But the moment was gone as soon as it started to cry. It had already taken so much from my fragile body and now it seemed that it wanted more. It wanted much more than I could give and pretty soon I was unable to even find food for myself.
I came to a decision one dark and cold night. It was it or me and I had to make a decision. Too many sleepless nights had made me mad with a fever and the lack of food while being sucked dry was causing me to hallucinate. But when I made my decision, my mind was crystal clear. I had to kill it and eat it. I had to take back all that it took from me before I disappeared.
I waited for it to drift off into sleep as it often does when it gets too tired to cry and then I carried it to the darkest corner of the sewer. I found a sharp piece of metal and stabbed it right through the heart. It never made a sound, not a peep. It was over very quickly and I had to work fast before the others found me. I started to build a fire and placed it in the flames. I waited till it's skin had all but burnt away before dousing the flames.
That was when they found me. I was already almost done with it. I only had parts of the leg and a little bit of the face to go when they eventually dragged me away. They have judged me guilty of murder but have also found me completely insane. I do not think I have done anything so horrendous to warrant the looks they give me. I am no monster or animal. I am merely someone doing her best to survive. There was no one who could help me and so, I had to help myself.
They say children are a blessing and again I ask, to whom?
Everyday, I watch those fancy ladies walking about with their expensive perambulators and their plastic smiles on top their even more plastic bodies. What do they know about raising children or having them? To them, it is all a glamourous show after which the mother glows and the child smiles sweetly. They know nothing of the midnight feedings and the troubles of a cholicky baby. They never see the tears of a hungry child or the haunted look in the eyes of a starving mother trying her damnest to squeeze even the last drop of moisture from her empty breasts.
I remember the first moment I knew I was pregnant. I remember the horror I felt and the absolute revulsion. This was not a child conceived of love and I was not prepared to have one. I wanted to rid my body of the parasite but I didn't know how. I was too young to understand that I needed professional help and so I tried everything I could to get rid of it. But of course, as all things go when they are not going well, it stuck fast and I suffered for my failure. Soon enough, even the baggy clothes could not hide the sins of the world and I was thrown out and branded a harlot. I lived the only way I knew how, like a rat in the sewers. I was constantly hungry and my body ached each time I moved. I carried the parasite with me for 9 long months until finally the time came for me to expell it.
I think perhaps there was only one time I truly did love it and that was when it looked into my eyes for the first time, trusting me to look after it and care for it unconditionally. But the moment was gone as soon as it started to cry. It had already taken so much from my fragile body and now it seemed that it wanted more. It wanted much more than I could give and pretty soon I was unable to even find food for myself.
I came to a decision one dark and cold night. It was it or me and I had to make a decision. Too many sleepless nights had made me mad with a fever and the lack of food while being sucked dry was causing me to hallucinate. But when I made my decision, my mind was crystal clear. I had to kill it and eat it. I had to take back all that it took from me before I disappeared.
I waited for it to drift off into sleep as it often does when it gets too tired to cry and then I carried it to the darkest corner of the sewer. I found a sharp piece of metal and stabbed it right through the heart. It never made a sound, not a peep. It was over very quickly and I had to work fast before the others found me. I started to build a fire and placed it in the flames. I waited till it's skin had all but burnt away before dousing the flames.
That was when they found me. I was already almost done with it. I only had parts of the leg and a little bit of the face to go when they eventually dragged me away. They have judged me guilty of murder but have also found me completely insane. I do not think I have done anything so horrendous to warrant the looks they give me. I am no monster or animal. I am merely someone doing her best to survive. There was no one who could help me and so, I had to help myself.
They say children are a blessing and again I ask, to whom?
posted by Princess A at 7/25/2006
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