Breathing in Water

I've not thought of him in such a long time and it's strange because for the longest time, he was all I could think of. I've loved him for such a long time that not loving him anymore is a strange sort of feeling. It feels like breathing in water.

I remember bits of the memories, those bits that have not been torn to shreds at least. Those bits are vague and slightly alien to me now. I've done a great job with distancing my conscious mind from his existence. It's strange because it never took that much effort before to recall him from the memory banks. Now, it's like breathing in water.

There used to be a time when the phone could have gone deaf from waiting for his call but now, it hardly cares. There are other calls now for it to take. When his calls do come, it takes a moment before I can bring myself to pick it up and do the whole mundane conversation conversation. It gets harder and harder to be civil over the phone, kinda like breathing in water.

I've heard the name mentioned in harsh uncertain tones by friends and even aquaintances. Were we ever that famous as a duo? Or did I ever mention him all that much? It gets harder to remember and his name dries up and turns to dust at my "in-utterance". Once, it flew out so constantly that even in my dreams would I cry out for him. Now, saying his name is like naming the devil, used only when absolutely necessary. It is breathing in water.

It's hard now or maybe just a little bit different, like breathing in water, but soon I will get used to it. We were made to survive after all and all I need to do is to calm my lungs down and teach them how to pluck out the much needed oxygen and filter the rest out of the way. It might just be like drinking a whole lot of water and peeing at the same time, but soon my lungs will work just like gills and breathing in water would be something I don't even need to work at.